The best fake Substacks of 2023
A round up of ten essential newsletters I've just made up
Substack has been a success for writers. Due to its easy and intuitive interface, even those idiots have managed to make money off it. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to get writers to make money? It’s like getting pandas to breed.
Nonetheless, with such an array of potential Substacks to choose from, and the destination of readers’ funds largely determining whether the relevant writer can eat or not, it’s never been more important to choose wisely as to where your dollars, pounds or other currency go. Sponsoring a writer is a big life commitment, and you don’t want to accidentally encourage the wrong person – after all, just one compliment to a contemporary writer generates an average of three novels.
So here’s a list of ten imaginary Substacks that have really come into their own in 2023.
1) The Midwit Digest with Trevor Normview
There are two main demographics for Substack writers, completely insane and predictable but famous due to legacy media, and nobody gives you the latter like Trev. This is the ideal newsletter for when thinking for yourself is not really an option. TMD is designed to give you one or two talking points for dinner parties that prove themselves over time to be demonstratably false, at which point the news cycle has moved on. Inexplicably popular with a British readership. For a small fee, you too can be vastly more insightful than the author in his own comment section.
2) The scent of pomodori by Mitzy Arancia
Here Mitzy combines authentic Italian recipes with thinly disguised cries for a more fulfilling marriage. Twice a week, Mitzy tries to get everything she can out of six months in Florence (American University) and her Italian husband (born in New Jersey). Site was briefly taken down after an ill-judged attempt to discuss the Amanda Knox case. Buon appetito!
3) Political thinking by Dave Einzelgaenger
Join American centre-right commentator Dave as he makes the journey from flirting with far-right politics to being an actual Nazi. Davey’s stated need to ‘just have an an open and honest’ conversation about race politics inexorably gives way to full on fash revivalism as audience capture works its magic. The Founding Members tier, for which Davey sings German folk songs down a live stream while dressed as Odin, is particularly unforgettable.
